I know you’ve been lamenting the sorrowful lack of edifying and uplifting opinion from me of late, but there’s a very good reason for that. I’ve been quite unwell.
Remember when the pet foods tainted with melamine were killing us? More than 180 popular brands were recalled in 2007. Now Nature’s Variety, raw pet food specialists, are recalling frozen chicken over salmonella fears.
So watch out!
I still say you have to watch out for strangers. All strangers in general but in particular certain readily-recognisable senior humans of the female variety.
They carry treats! Don’t accept them!
Often these well-meaning strangers have no idea that the delicious little goodie they’re holding out is downright lethal to small animals.
The ASPCA lists People Food as number #3 in the Top 10 Pet Poisons of 2009.
People food like grapes, raisins, avocado and products containing xylitol, like gum, can seriously disable our furry friends, and accounted for more than 17,453 cases in 2009.
I’ve seen people give chocolates to dogs. True!
If you know a dog (one that you don’t care to see harmed) make sure you pass on the message that chocolates are poisonous. A lot of dogs will forget this in the heat of the moment and wolf down anything.
Cats can be no better behaved.
Please remember that these elderly strangers look extremely non-threatening and their very good will radiates messages of bonhomie. Don’t trust them.
Never take food from strangers!
Modern Society relies far too much on drugs. Ar any given time, half the human population gets around on something or other.
You only have to look at their behaviour. If they’re not knocking back poisonously fermented grains and grapes, they’re reaching for a cigarette or stuffing an anti-depressant down their throats. Even the woman who feeds me has a cupboard full of asprin.
Me, I’m pure. And I intend to stay that way.
Why do I have to be force-fed drugs?
The woman has taken the cat basket down from the top of the wardrobe. I am suspicious.
Whatever the reason, it bodes no good for me. It means I’m off to some place I don’t want to go to.
Remember that swanky ‘cat motel’ I was dumped in? Nothing but some ordinary, run-of-the-mill cattery with big pot plants and piped bird tweets. What a rip-off!
See one boarding cattery and you’ve seen them all. Dismal places. I’m not going. I refuse.
Or could it be I’m off to the Vet?
I wonder if it’s something to do with my
teeth tooth. I have no desire whatsoever for anyone to be poking around in my mouth, I swear I will savagely maul any hand that comes near me.
Best to pop off for a nap in some inaccessible and totally out of the way spot where no one would ever dream to find me and ignore anyone calling my name. Goodnight.
Woke up ravenous this morning.
I had to wake the woman to feed me. I have an awful feeling that she managed to slip a tablet in my omelette but you can’t win every battle. The war still continues even if she defeated me in one skirmish.
I’m looking out the windows now over my realm, about time I got outside and inspected everything and, more to the point, I can see a couple of fat sparrows on the lid of the compost bin
I have taken the advice of Fisher (you can ask Fisher anything).
You are a beautiful being and quite possibly a trend-setter
From now on I will be flaunting my new hair style. This is my Poodle Cut!
I have also decided to bend a little and allow you to see the full image of myself, all the better to see the delicate balance of shaved bits to hairy bits. Trop chic.
Successfully avoided all tablets. The woman tried grinding one into fine powder and mixing with sardine oil. (A criminal treatment of sardine oil). I knew what she did. I refused.
I have this most unflattering style of seemingly random shaven bits. Something like patchwork. For a mature gentleman of distinction, such as myself, the effect is tantamount to making me wear a red spotted bandanna and gold ear rings. It’s not me.
Perhaps this is why the woman keeps me a prisoner in the house. I embarass her. Not surprising perhaps, but galling just the same.
Still refusing to swallow the tablets. The woman tried to deceive me with one crushed into my poached chicken this morning. More fool her.
Who was it said “Home sweet Home“? Whoever it was must have spent time in the hospital too.
Here I am, home, with a new haircut. The woman is pleased to see me although she has the place locked up like a gaol. I’ve tried every window and sat at all the doors in turn, wailing. But to no avail. I can’t get out of the house.
So although my release from the animal hospital is welcomed, I’m still incarcerated. Home Detention.
Am refusing to swallow the tablets.
I’m getting out of here! Freedom!
As Ghandi said Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err. Very well, I have erred. I have paid the penalty. And I have taken a vow never to mix it with a snake again. Either should you.
The Vet is going to take all these plastic tubes away from me and the woman is coming to get me.
I worry sometimes that the woman might leave me here. That she may have forgotten me.
It’s the drugs, I suppose. They induce a state of lethargy which is somehow morbid and slightly depressing. Still, on a positive note, it would not be entirely pleasant to be at home today. People do strange things on certain days of the year, holidays they call them, and celebrate these occasions with excruciating noise – jet planes flying overhead, car horns bleating and the ubiquitous fireworks. At least it’s quiet in here.
While on the subject of noise, the silver tabby went home and thank heavens for that! She was a constant chatterer and disturbed my naps with her friendly foolish conversation. Being in hospital has not improved my views on female cats. They talk too much.
Thanks : I thank the kindly souls who contributed to the bill for my – so far – 8 day stay in these clinical corridors.
Philip of Springville, Melanie of Harcourt, Ritva of Helsinki and Eddie of Pleasant Hill (near Walnut Creek! Watch out for snakes, Eddie).
Decided to drink the water, regardless.